To Walk Ahead And Leave The Pain Behind

Being straight edge really puts a damper on trying to distract yourself from your problems and the day to day horror of this world. I can't just have a beer or get high and forget about things for a while. Not to say I would ever want that. I would rather work at my life and try to make things better in it. And for the last few months I have been focusing on myself, my work ethic and filling the void I created, with records. Now maybe this is not a new void, but it has grown over time to take the place of almost anything else in my life (other then my friends) that made/makes me happy. I have come to a point here though where I can go no further with this filler. I have to mature and calm my spending.



Since I have moved back home I have bought somewhere around 250 Records. This picture shows around 200 of the 7"s I have bought (10"s and 12"s for another time maybe). Check out some of those gems on top. I have also bought Dozens of shirts, Tapes and some other random hardcore related items (Patches, Pins, Sunglasses, Posters).

Now this does not mean the "Today In The Mail" portion of this blog is gone. I am still waiting on about 15 packages and I'm sure those will stagger in. What this does mean is, other people might find good records at used kids other then me. And I should have my own car by mid December (Yeah I'm 22 Its about time). And maybe down the line my own place. Fuck I need a second job.

I am on the mend

This to me is not a Live Journal. And this not me telling the world that I am alright, or that things are easier or back the same. I feel a lot different, and a lot of people that know me better have said I don't act the same. And it bothers me. I try not to go out. I keep blowing up on people. I am a lot more angry then I have been for along time. I keep having bad dreams. I keep trying to see how long I can sleep. But that ends up just being me rolling around for hours. And this is not me wanting attention. This is me trying to write down how I feel, and I have been trying to do it for about a week. And it always comes out like this, Chaotic and random. I can not change the things I have done. I just have to learn from my mistakes. And embrace what I have done that was good, And never forget those times.